Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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