I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
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no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
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he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together