and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
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