just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Of course I have a pirate flag
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"