You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Found the puke drawer
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.