you suck at this game today
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.