so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
