ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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