Me. At least after what I've been through.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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