32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
