I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
