Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
