At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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