she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
