i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
