i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
