I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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