maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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