I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
