Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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