Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
