i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
