my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
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btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
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Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Good thing I've started drinking again