She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.