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I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
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