I could make wine with my vomit
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!