I feel great
I just peed on a car
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.