Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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