Are we in a gay sports bar?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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