Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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