There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
