i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
