I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
