____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
