You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
