I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
