Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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