Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
