I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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