If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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