i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
