Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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