Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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