You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
