What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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