just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
