I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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