Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
