Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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