No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
