Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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