Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
