Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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