If i come over, it means nothing
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
