You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize