lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
