Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
