Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
