oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
