Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.