So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once