He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked