I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?