Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.