if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life