I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
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The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs