In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck