this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
