So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
